PR Squared: On "Being Public"

IStock_000002252960XSmall Yesterday I was going to post about how it was the 15^th anniversary of my marriage to the most beautiful, wonderful, smart, gentle, funny, caring woman on the planet. About how I wake up each morning when the alarm clock sounds, and murmur a word of thanks that she hasn’t figured out what a doofus I am, and slipped away into the night.

I was going to talk about how we survived some incredibly rough times together (read: piss-poor), and about how those tough times made us a stronger couple.

I was looking forward to hitting “Publish” on that post: it was my way of proclaiming my love “from the rooftops.”

And I was going to include a picture of us. After all, she’s really pretty.

But I didn’t do any of that, because the Kathy Sierra cyberbullying situation wigged me out, a little. There are weirdos out there. Anyone who blogs, from A-list to Z, needs to remember that they are leading public lives, and with such exposure there comes a responsibility to be a li’l circumspect with our personal details.

Reflecting on Kathy’s plight, though, I realized that – as awful as it is – the reason it’s caused such a stir is because such outlandish behavior is blessedly rare.

The reason that horrible tragedies, murders, etc. are newsworthy is because they are, literally, NEWS, i.e., these events and activities are “outside the norm.”

Most people are nice. Most days are relatively boring. Most days, the sun shines. There are wingnuts out there, no question, and we should avoid and/or punish them, but, thankfully, they make up about 1% of the population. The empowerment that comes from blogging should overwhelm the sense of vulnerability that comes with it.

(Hey, it’s my anniversary, and I am raising kids in this world: I choose to be optimistic.)

(But I am still not posting that lovely portrait of my wife.)

PLEASE NOTE: Neither this post nor the goofy photo that accompanies it is meant in any way to minimize Kathy Sierra’s personal situation. The misogynistic venom she’s endured is inexcusable and downright scary.

Comments

Todd:

This is an issue I've struggled with from Day 1 ... how much personal is too personal?

In retrospect, for example, I would not have posted my experience at Home Depot because of the visibility it created and the way other blogs handled it.

Live and learn, but the situation with Kathy is definitely a wake-up call for anyone who blogs. Sad commentary, indeed.

Posted by: John Wagner | March 30, 2007 11:19 AM

I had this conversation with Robert Anderson a couple of years ago. We were talking about blogging in general and finding your blogging voice. We've both decided, even though our families are hugely important in our lives, that it's not safe to post photos or talk about them "too" much. You never know when the crazies will get fixated on something.

It sucks. You want to blog about what's going on in your life, but you always have to run your posts through the "danger" filter. You did the right thing.

My wife posted a picture of my daughter on the internet for her friends several years ago and a stranger sent us an email saying how pretty she was. I think my wife stripped a couple of internet routers pulling the photo down. She's never posted anything publicly since.

How's that for optimism? Happy Anniversary!

Posted by: Shannon Whitley | March 30, 2007 01:38 PM

John: I actually thought about you, while composing this post. I remember thinking that it was pretty gutsy of you to include your wife in that Home Depot flap.

I am sorry to hear that you regret it, because it made the story feel much more visceral to me, at the time (maybe because I am also very protective of my own wife).

Which circles back to your point: it is a shame we can't be MORE open/honest in our storytelling, because it makes the stories come alive.

We can only damn those whackjobs for making us apply the brakes.

Posted by: Todd Defren | March 30, 2007 01:49 PM

I was thinking about this online "exposure" thing also. All the socialized outlets can really let people get inside your life/head. Twitter is a good example of someone being able to profile you at a psychological level. Add MySpace to that. It's a risk we are aware of and take. Kathy was an unfortunate casualty of that small number of "Cyberkooks". Bad for her, but a valuable lesson for the rest of us.

Posted by: Kevin Dill | March 30, 2007 05:23 PM